taking the ball back to my court
i am an avid reader.
or at least, i used to be able to call myself that.
i once read an article written by James Clear which stated that "[t]he key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first." i'm going to take that identity and give it back to my current self, in the hopes that i'll be able to get back to it and enjoy it as much as i did. not that i don't enjoy it now — it just feels like there's a hundred things pulling me into different directions and taking my focus and attention. (yes, it's the damn phone, but also a number of other distractions.)
i don't like that, and so i'm taking the ball back to my court, so to speak.
distractions aside, there was another thing that occupied a big part of my life this year and took a lot of my time. (i'm not even sure if i should be using past tense there.) but i recently realized that a part of that is because i've always thought the ball is on someone else's court; i had believed that i didn't really have the right, nor the ability, to take it back to mine.
but that's not true, is it? it's just a matter of realizing that when it comes to my life, the ball should always be on my court. no matter how important another person (or thing) is, i should never give them the ability to dictate how i act and live my life. (i know it's common sense to some people, but i'm trying to give myself some grace here, so please bear with me.)
this year is ending soon and while it might seem a bit late, i'm just happy to be able to have this realization. ending the year with being able to take the ball back to my court doesn't seem so bad.
i've also come to realize that i should stop waiting for things to "fall back into their places" to start (or stop) doing something. it's my life after all - who has more right than i do to navigate and live it the way i want to?