my feelings control me more than i'd like to admit
to be an adult generally means to have control over your actions and attitude, regardless of what happens around you and how you feel about them. that's how i see it anyway. perhaps that's why i never really feel like i'm mature enough to be considered one - yes, i've started working when i was young and i was responsible for many things that people my age didn't have to even think about back then, but no, i don't really consider myself an adult, even now.
when i've expected something to go a certain way and it doesn't, it throws me off so much that sometimes i feel paralyzed. i know i should just figure things out from there, but... it's not easy sometimes. and that gets reflected rather clearly in the next few moments, hours, days, which i honestly hate. i should have better control of myself regardless of how i'm feeling inside, and yet i don't. and it's shameful to admit that even to myself.
not sure if this is a common thing. everyone around me seems to navigate their lives well, regardless of what life throws at them. it makes me feel bad and childish for being this way.