if i disappeared today, would the world be a better place tomorrow?
i've been thinking about this a lot lately. i haven't been able to function properly. working and socializing has been getting harder and harder. i feel paralyzed, not being able to complete what i'm supposed to do despite knowing i'm responsible for all of that. i've just been crying or sleeping despite knowing that the deadline is getting closer and i might lose what i have if i keep doing this.
and yet i can't bring myself to even start.
maybe this is a cry for help, i don't know. i don't even know what's wrong anymore. maybe i should call my therapist, but i don't know what to say either. my tears won't stop falling, and i can't help but think that i'm too privileged to be feeling this way.
i have no right to feel and be this way, and yet i am feeling all these feelings. helplessness, loneliness.
maybe the world would be better if i didn't exist. maybe all these privileges i have would be better given to someone else who deserves it more. maybe i'm just a waste of space and oxygen.
i don't know what to do.