Are you a creature of habit?
a draft from November 2024
I recently read a Reddit thread on how to maintain habits in a way that doesn't make one feel bad when they fail to stick to them. It is admittedly something that I have always struggled with, because as much as this sounds like an excuse, one thing or another sometimes gets in the way of maintaining my habits long-term.
James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, has an article stating that: "We often make the mistake of believing that sticking to good habits is an all-or-nothing game. According to a study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, missing any single day of a particular habit has no impact on your long-term ability to stick to the habit. It doesn’t matter when it occurs, making a mistake and slipping up does not alter the long-term outcome… if you find a way to get back on track."
He also mentioned that while missing a day is fine, one should try their best to not miss it the second time, as it starts a pattern. Which is a problem for me, personally, because (I don't know about you, but for me) life usually doesn't get in the way for only one single day.
Anyway, one particular Redditor left a comment and said that, instead of beating themself up over not being able to keep up with the habit, they started "[...] calling it The Art of Failure — there's an art to failing and trying again. The resilience we learn from it is just as important [...]."
I think there's truth to that. Oftentimes, I would feel so discouraged because I've already missed too many days, so I find myself stopping to even make an effort to get back on track altogether. Realizing that it's alright to fail so long as we try again is a start. Over time, we'd hopefully become more resilient when facing failures and roadblocks. It's important to shift our mindset from "what if I fail again?" to "what if it works this time around? What do I have to lose anyway?"
Mindset and all that aside, it's also crucial to understand why we lost track in the first place, and whether the reason is something within our control. For example, although I'm not someone who is usually very active, I try to take brisk walks a few times a week just to increase my heart rate and make sure that my lifestyle isn't too sedentary. I had been able to consistently do this for months when some health issues occurred, and now I'm not allowed to continue my routine because doing so comes with the risk of my recovery process slowing down. It took me some time to stop feeling like I'm a failure for not being able to take those walks for some time, and to accept that it's okay not to take those walks for the time being. Without realizing, I started to see myself as someone who isn't sedentary through that activity, and being unable to continue makes me feel bad about myself — what if I have to live like this forever?
I know it probably sounds odd to you. It should be obvious that one should prioritize their well-being (because what does 'being not sedentary' even mean if you're constantly sabotaging your own recovery process?), but humans are not rational beings sometimes, and I'm no exception. Realizing that something isn't within our control and making peace with it is a process that takes longer than one may imagine, but I believe that it's a crucial one.
Of course, if something is within our control and we have the means to do something about it, we should evaluate that in a different way. Did something happen and trigger us to stop doing a particular habit? Is there an easier way to pick that habit back up? Or more importantly, do we actually see value in that habit, or do we just do it because "all the seemingly productive and successful people on the internet seem to be doing it"?
Someone once said that they're "a creature of habit" and I wish I was one, too. It feels like life would be simpler if I was naturally a person who gravitates towards habits, and I feel like I would be able to strive in that kind of environment.
But striving in life, or at least identifying steps that need to be taken to get closer to striving and following them through, is something that is within my control. I need to let go of this tendency of mine to imagine the "ideal life I would've been able to live if I was this or that", and start thinking about the things that are within my control and act accordingly.
It's to be expected that life will constantly throw us different things that stop us in our tracks. How we respond to these changes is what helps to bring us one step closer to our version of "ideal life", after all. Having actionable goals help, but whatever floats your boat and helps you feel better about your life is alright, too.